i give up.

"The girl who seemed unbreakable.. broke.

The girl who seemed strong.. crumbled.

The girl who always laughed.. cried.

She dropped her fake smile as a tear ran down her cheek and she whispered

 'i cant do this anymore'"

^That girl is me. I was seen as the strong happy girl at school, the girl who cheered others up when they were down, didnt take anything to heart and always had a smile on my face. That smile was just a cover, it hid the pain and suffering i had bottled up inside me. Yesterday i broke. I cried for the most part of the day. I cried at school, three times. Four times in the past two days. On Thursday i had an argument with some 'friends' so i ended up in tears. Then i got onto stage to dance (rehearsals for the show) i still had tears covering my face but the lights were so hot and bright i almost passed out. Cried to my teacher. She took me to medical and i was forced to eat mini cheddars, cried continuously throughout this. 
Then yesterday i cried in the morning after talking to a boy about what happened on thursday. I cried at lunch after another fight with one of my 'friends' then cried after school with my german teacher. She asked me what was wrong as i was leaving the class, she said she'd realised something wasnt right anymore and she had spoken to my head of year about me (great more people talking about me) she said my head of year had told her 'i was going through personal issues' and was seeing a counsellor. She said she could guess what was wrong and didnt want me to fail my exams. I asked her what she thought was wrong and she said 'well im guessing it has something to do with eating. You're looking very thin and you're always tired' etc. I cried -.- got im a right pussy arent i? then last night i cried for about an hour until i literally had no more tears left. 
thats it, i give up. I want to die. I have decided i will just starve until i finally die, that would be the perfect ending for me. I have a date, time, place and everything in my head, the perfect place to die in my opinion. I think it'll be peaceful, i'll just fall softly and my eyes will close and i'll be asleep forever.
I dont even care, i'd be happy to be known as the perfect ballerina who just got so perfect she disappeared. My dad told me about a dancer, some redhead girl, who starved herself to death. He said her parent had to hold her as she died and he didnt want to have to do the same thing. The thing is he told me this to convince me to get better but she became my new inspiration :l im messed up.