Well this morning i didnt eat breakfast which isnt unusual but today i had really bad stomach pains. Like really bad. I went to my friends house and she weighed me and recorded my weight, she has to weigh me now to make sure im not losing anymore :\ Any way so we went off to school. about ten minutes in, i literally thought i was gonna die, i told my form tutor what was up and she sent me to the nurse. I asked for a paracetamol and she gave me one. Then she asked the dreaded question 'What have you eaten?' 'Nothing' i replied. She gave me the look, that look where you know they want to lecture you but dont quite know how to get the words out. 'Have you had a drink?' 'yea, coffee' I said. She told me to drink some water and sit down for a bit. After ten minutes i went back to form and went about the day as usual, fell asleep in history, got shouted at in english, same old same old :) then lunch approached, i still hadnt eaten and my tummy was hurting again so i went back to the nurse. I walked in, got a paracetamol and lied to her saying i had eaten some lunch. She bought it, well, she acted like she had. She knew i was lying, she can read me like a book but she didnt bother saying anything. After school i went to work and then to my friends house. We got ready and went up to town to watch the fireworks display, got in for free cause my friends dad works there and waited.
Then it happened. Ive been having a hard time with my friends, ive got a new group of mates and my old group hate it. I understand it, i mean ive ditched them. But im a bitch and i prefer my new friends to be honest. God they would kill me if they read this!! oh well, lifes too short. You cant please everyone right?
So i saw my new group of friends, i walked over, took a couple of sips of my friends vodka, had some lambrini and then all of a sudden all of my old friends had gone. 'oh well' i thought to myself. ive got my lot here, im fine. I watched the fireworks and then hopped on the train home. My head was spinning and i stumbled off the train onto the platform and to my mums car. I wasnt drunk, i had barely had anything. this was different.. I got home, had some soup and an apple and went to my room. My tummy started churning and my head spinning, my room turned upside down and bang.
I woke up on my floor, bags surrounding me, coat half on. I slowly got up and steadied myself. Wow i fainted again. Great.
Now im scared, i have dance on Monday first period and my teacher (who is also my form tutor) knows about my ED so she watches me. What if i pass out?! ive been feeling so weak anyway and physical activity is so hard! god itll be so embarrassing to faint in front of everyone! im scared.
To make matters worse, me and mum havent spoken since yesterday, we hate eachother and she has told me i should move out. I HAVE NO WHERE TO GO! argh, i hope this weekend goes well, i cant bare any more drama in my life -.-
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